Friday, May 15, 2015

Notes from a day with Jon Kabat-Zinn.

I did it! I finally finished typing up my 20-ish pages of longhand notes from mindfulness guru Jon Kabat-Zinn's keynote and workshop at the conference I went to in March! He was a great speaker and teacher: deep, intelligent, mindful of course, funny, and irreverent. Here are some of my favorite quotes/phrases/sound bites, with beautifully messy notes from the entire day following behind the jump.

“If you check your watch, you’ll notice that once again, it’s now.”

"We're running, running, running, straight into our graves. Maybe it's time to stop."

"What is happiness? Something you get when the right conditions arise? Or a way to be in wise relationship with the reality of things?"

"This is too serious to take too seriously.”

"We are drowning in the stream of our own self-centered, self-conscious narrative of how we think it should be – always striving to get elsewhere, missing where you are."

"Often when we are doing an activity, instead of just being, we are 'selfing' – a form of ignoring."

"Meditation shifts the 'default network' in the brain from mind-wandering, me, how happy I’d be if conditions were different, to HERE."

" 'I’ll have what she’s having' – no! Have what you’re having, one hundred percent."

"The experience you’re having is pretty phenomenal simply because you’re alive!"

"Have you noticed how convinced your thoughts are of their own value? They are 24/7 creating your reality! There’s a huge amount of suffering in that."

"Mindfulness is stringing moments of presence together."

"Being human is messy, it hurts, it’s very real, in some ways beyond understanding. What could be better? This is it."

"Is X actually true, or a story you tell yourself about how you relate to X?"

"A real meditation practice is not sitting in the full lotus like a statue in the British Museum. It’s about how we live our lives in relationship to whatever is happening."

"There is a whole landscape of being that we haven’t been trained to inhabit."

"Unpleasantness has showed up at the guest house [referencing the Rumi poem]. Fantastic! Put out the welcome mat...If you have a host of sorrows, that’s okay, that’s the curriculum."

"Let’s have a little less talk about compassion, and a lot more compassion. A lot less talk about mindfulness, and a lot more mindfulness."

"We need to study what mindfulness is in a lot of ways and get our ass on the cushion a lot longer than what we think is good for us."



Jon Kabat-Zinn
Psychotherapy Networker Symposium, March 27, 2015

KEYNOTE
“Let the Beauty We Love Be What We Do” (from a Rumi poem)

-Explosive, exponential growth of mindfulness-related publications in the past 10-15 years (even excluding ACT and DBT)
-By the time the conference is over, maybe you will have arrived!
-Your body has gotten you this far – it’s trustworthy – gratitude
-It’s not about the attention, but the attending – rest with no other agenda than being in this moment
-What would it be like to show up to yourself in this, the only moment any of us ever have?
-Underneath all the speech the silence is here anyway.
-Imagine if you took care of calibrating and tuning your own instrument before you take it out into the maelstrom (i.e., what would the world be like if everyone meditated and did yoga?)
-Working with what you have, being who you are
-When working as a team, it’s about collective engagement
-Not about being a “better” I or Me, but about my relationship with Me/my body
-Have you noticed that you have a body? Who is the you that has a body?
-You have a mind, right? Show me your mind, produce it…
-There is a whole landscape of being that we haven’t been trained to inhabit
-You can’t possibly become the Buddha or the Dalai Lama. The best you can do is be yourself, know who that is.
-In all Asian languages, “mind” and “heart” are the same word. So, “mindfulness” = “HEARTfulness”
-Mindfulness is the radical gesture of recognition of the fact that you don’t have to become Buddha
-Just stopping is a radical act in this day and age
-I was with Oprah and she asked me about life after death. The question should be, “Is there life before death?”
-A real meditation practice is not sitting in the full lotus like a statue in the British Museum. It’s about how we live our lives in relationship to whatever is happening.
-So, in a word, mindfulness = relationality. It’s a recognition of how we could be if we got out of our own way.
-What is my true way (aka Tao)?
            -Aware enough to realize how we are getting in our own way
-Then, “write a tiny restraining order,” desist, don't bum yourself out with condemnation
-Formal meditation practice is the lab. Right in your head, it’s like you have over 500 channels of the best cable programming, and you have this chance to be in relationship with it
-It’s not about the breath or any other object, but the attending and the multiverse – it’s there, befriend it, recognize it, learn how to inhabit that domain of being (versus thinking and emoting)

THERAPY
-What do people want in therapy? To be SEEN, MET, HEARD and FELT (not just listened to)
            -You can’t do that if your own instrument is lost in thought!
-You’ve got another human being in front of you – people are sensitive and can pick up on every nuance
-You want to play Mozart? Better practice. Human? Better practice.
-It’s not like there’s some faulty part of your brain that you just need to reach in and scoop out (to become more mindful) – psychiatry has already been there and done that
-Being self-centered takes energy!
-There are other networks of the brain where there is no time, just this moment
-Everyone you’re seeing in therapy is a human with a unique experience, even if you can categorize those experiences (e.g., depression)
-This is not your “thousand-and-first trauma patient”
-You can hold that trauma (or whatever else) in trust for them – holding the beauty, wholeness of the human in front of you no matter what’s wrong with them
-They may not even know there’s something under all their scars

BUDDHISM/MINDFULNESS/CALL
-A Chinese Zen master I was meeting for the first time learned about MBSR. He said, if there are infinite numbers of ways people suffer, there must be infinite numbers of ways to offer them dharma (compassion/wisdom)
-Often when we are doing an activity instead of just being, we are “selfing” – a form of ignoring
-I’m not a Buddhist and I’m not trying to turn anyone into a Buddhist. We are already Buddhas, that is, humans. Buddha wasn’t Buddhist.
-What’s your true calling on this planet beyond what you do?
-There’s a huge difference between Buddhism and what Buddha taught (dharma)
            -Galileo discovered gravity, but it doesn’t just work in Italy
-Buddha discovered a lawfulness (also dharma) about the way the mind works, and it’s not just for the people of the Indian subcontinent 2600 years ago
-In this world you have to be patient – do the thing you’re supposed to do over and over, and sometimes eventually the world will hear and feel it
-neuroscience research now on structural brain changes associated with meditation, as well as changes in learning, memory, etc.
-“Now that’s a bad reason to want to meditate – to make your amygdala thinner!”

HUMANS ARE AMAZING/MORE ON THERAPY
-You have the most complex arrangement of matter in the known universe in your little head! You’re the most extraordinary emergence in the entire universe as we know it.
-There’s more that is right with you than wrong with you, no matter what is wrong with you.
-We’re all the teachers, reflecting each other’s beauty
-All of us could use a little fine-tuning – there’s no one who can point the finger at anyone else
-On ethics in hospitals/therapy: “How the hell will you even know if you’re doing harm unless you’re awake?”
-There’s no improving on perfection – you’re not “fixing” anybody – you’re perfect with all your imperfections

INSPIRATION MOVING FORWARD
-“Let’s have a little less talk about compassion, and a lot more compassion. A lot less talk about mindfulness, and a lot more mindfulness.”
-“What use is mindfulness in an unjust world?” (talk with Angela Davis)
-The world is STARVING for us to show up in our fullness as human beings and be who we are because it’s over really quickly
-There’s only one hero of the moment, and that’s you, but not if you think you’re a hero.”
-There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the earth.” –Rumi

---------------------------------
AM WORKSHOP

THOUGHTS ON MEDITATION
-If it were up to you to breathe, you’d have died a long time ago
-It’s not supposed to feel a certain way – it is the way it is
-Surfing on the waves of the breath sensations in the mouth, or maybe in the belly, AWAY from the head!
-The experience you’re having is pretty phenomenal simply because you’re alive
-If you get bored, make your boredom the object of your attention. How does it feel in the body? Cognitive aspects? Boredom could become the most interesting thing on the planet!
-Not striving for any special state – the state you’re already in is special enough. You’re alive, you’re breathing.
-“I’ll have what she’s having” – no! Have what you’re having, 100%.
-There are infinite narratives/dreams you could get lost in. When you notice that your mind is off elsewhere, notice what’s on your mind, what galaxy you’ve drifted off to
-Then, without criticizing yourself, lovingly haul your attention back
-You all are the atmospheric conditions in your offices. There are an infinite number of weather patterns that torture us.
-Key to the cage: know it, don’t fix or change it, bring attention back with the same degree of care and kindness each time
-If you notice yourself judging, don’t judge the judging
-“If you check your watch, you’ll notice that once again it’s now.”
-You don’t have to edit your thoughts – be the knowing that awareness is and watch all of it (greed, jealousy, whatever) dissolve to the degree that it does
-The curriculum is you, it always unfolds in this moment because there is no other moment
-The past is gone, the future is not here yet (though, of course, we can be in wise relationship w/the past)
-It’s a radical act of self-love to engage in being present, watching the self, ministering to it so it’s encouraged to find a place to accept itself as it is
-Rest in awareness and be informed by the whole show. It’s like looking at infinite reflections in a mirror
-Cultivating the hidden characteristics of our own awareness
-“Are we meditating or am I giving a talk? What’s going on here? There’s no separation if we’re present, inviting our selves to be at least a modicum open-hearted.”
-Be awake – no. Just be.
-Sometimes the phones run our lives, we need the phone to know where we’re supposed to be – you’re supposed to be HERE!
-Imagine if we let the doing come out of our being – the choice and the how
-your awareness can be fluid – telephoto or panoramic, breath or whole body
-there are four classical meditation approaches: lying, sitting, standing, walking (Renée’s thought – what else is there? You can be meditating all the time!)
-Why did you really come to this workshop? Is it because mindfulness is hot? That SUCKS as a reason. It’s about DISidentifying.
-If you really excavate why you’re here – maybe it’s longing and maybe it’s love.
-If you don’t know why, that’s a higher state of consciousness bringing you here – honor that intuition.
-We are drowning in the stream of our own self-centered, self-conscious narrative of how we think it should be – always striving to get elsewhere, missing where you are
-Discussion of Thoreau
-Sherry Turkey at MIT’s book, “Reclaiming Conversation” (her last book, “Alone Together,” is about technology and our relationships)
-Pretty soon you’ll have to call yourself up on a mindfulness app – “Hello, John, are you present?”
-We’re running, running, running straight into our graves – maybe it’s time to stop!
-Meditation for therapists – “You’re listening to everybody else, why not listen to yourself?”
-The occupational hazard of being a therapist is everyone else thinks you know what you’re doing. Not-knowing is much more powerful, allows you to drop it and be available (versus running your secret agenda in your head)

-Corpse pose – die now, get it over with – die to the small-minded personal pronouns (me, my, etc.). Anything beyond this is gravy. Got this idea from Buckminster Fuller, who was suicidal after a series of failed personal and professional failures:
-He asked himself, what if I threw myself off this bridge right now? Death is beyond success and failure.
-What is the world starving for that I can do, being me? If it fails, it doesn’t matter, because I’m dead.
-He coined “Spaceship Earth” – and what do we do most of the time? Try to kill each other and destroy our home like there’s another one we can conveniently move to.
-This is mindfulness applied to the body politic.

AM Q+A:
-Question from a woman living w/chronic pain.
-“It’s not a thing, it’s a process”
-Do you live in a world of nouns or verbs?
-The silence is never not here
-How are we to be in relationship to an unwanted sensory experience (e.g., pain)?
-How to work with it, paradoxical. Coping = awareness-ing.
-MBSR is about rehabilitation (French habiter, to live) – how to live inside/inhabit the pain
-“See if you can stay with the breath and just let the pain do whatever it does”
-healing (coming to terms with things as they are) vs. curing (make it go away, make me the way I was)
-wisdom would ask, “how am I to be in relationship with this?”
            -“this pain is killing me” – treat it as a lab. Is it true? Now? Is it really?
-“It’s not killing me in this moment but it’s continuing, how can I live with this?”
            -Radical, flying under convention – put the welcome mat out for the pain
            -“Can you befriend the sensations in this moment if they’re unwanted?”
            -Embracing w/o wishing it were different
            -Does my awareness of the pain = suffering? Do I need something else?
-Turning toward what we most want to turn away from, resting in awareness, not forcing, letting it teach us
-Rumi’s “Guest House” poem
-Investigate the unwanted – who is it that doesn't want it?

(R: I forget the question that brought about this next bit, but here it is)
-We’re not writing a script, we’re interacting with the unfolding. It’s not all understandable. We need a relationship with it that allows us to move forward.
-how to align ourselves with the way it is?
-asking yourself – “is this an elaborate way of avoiding?” Anything can be meditation if you show up and simply observe. It’s good to question. Sense of being part of a larger whole, interconnectedness. Even if you’re missing body parts, you’re still all of a human being.
-To anxious lady asking a question: “If you’re incomplete, say more.”
-We’re all miraculous beings. We’re all connected. How can we make use of that? Conventional modes of thought are often very limiting.
-“My place is placeless” – from a Rumi poem
-Transforming/transcending the essence of the suffering
-I’ve never encountered anything more profound/amazing in human life. Can’t pretend I understand it all.
***”We need to study what mindfulness is in a lot of ways and get our ass on the cushion a lot longer than what we think is good for us.”***

-To another anxious question-asker: “You’re asking ME like I am the authority on YOU.”
-If you make the space of your heart big enough, you’re never not alone.
-I’ve been meditating for an infinite number of moments, and no time at all.
-I’m not having your experience, you’re having your experience.
-Are you imposing some ideal on this?
-You’ve already demonstrated to yourself that there is some part of you outside of the anxiety.
-Awareness does not equal thought. You can inhabit your experience – the good, the bad, the ugly

AFTERNOON SESSION
-“How is it in the heart right now? Are you at home in this moment?”
-resting in that open, choiceless field of awareness – boundless, spacious, knowing field of awareness – bigger than mere conceptual knowing
-taking up residency in this moment and in your own life
-Throw the guesthouse doors open and let it all come and go – be met, be known, be welcomed
-There are many doors into the room of your own heart
-“Unpleasantness has showed up at the guest house. Fnatastic! Put out the welcome mat.”
            -if you have a host of sorrows, that’s ok, that’s the curriculum.
-If we know why we’re here, this is not beyond us
-an intention to be here 100% does reshape us – and not just the real estate of the brain (e.g., epigenetics)
-and what about happiness, what about this moment? Are we waiting for it in another moment?
-flourishing that could be recognized. It/you don’t need one more moment to be recognized, whole
-could it be that it doesn’t get any better than this?
-we don’t need a lot of bells and whistles and entertainment
-imagine you were sitting like this in your own home – how long would it take you to stop being and move into doing?
-***intention to be fully present without filling up the moment with anything extra
-generosity and kindness toward self, air we breathe, world we inhabit
-being human – it’s messy, it hurts, it’s very real, in some ways beyond understanding. What could be better? This is it.
-there can be a seamless quality to our time together, your time in the world.

-Is X actually true, or a story you tell yourself about how you relate to X?
-Re. cognitive therapists – “What’s your specialty? –Disembodied cognition.” Lol!
-Wait – just because we’re cognitive therapists doesn’t mean we can’t include the body! How much do we compartmentalize?!
-Have you noticed how convinced your thoughts are of their own value? 24/7 creating your reality! There’s a huge amount of suffering in that.
-What is happiness? Something you GET when the right conditions arise? Or a way to be in wise relationship with the reality of things?
-Contentment – need nothing else to make the moment happy, complete
-“If now isn’t your happiest moment, something is wrong”
-obviously not when the shit hits the fan, but on the whole, what are we waiting for?
-Feasting on your life
-What if we’re always at home? The door is portable? That’s a practice, you can exercise that muscle
-Mindfulness as a discipline = hardest work in the world for human beings, stringing moments of presence together
            -If we don’t do it, what are we losing?
-Blaming circumstances, causes, conditions…something’s wrong, something’s missing, someone’s being annoying
            -Never has to do with MY relationship with any of it
-Once you see what you’re seeing, it maps onto every moment

-fMRI – “narrative network” in the brain about your favorite subject, yourself
-As soon as you see it, you’re free
-Meditation shifts the “default network” from mind-wandering/me/how happy I’d be if conditions were different, to HERE.

-empathy vs. compassion (selfless, can hold suffering of other without it bleeding into you)
-there are many wisdom traditions, not privileging Buddhism here
-psychology is the study of the self. “Ok, who’s that?”
-anatta = non-self
-self = always the same but never the same.
-not excluding yourself from the field of love

-audience person Q/A: finding energy and life in uncertainty – we are forced to choose every day to find everything good in life to counter bad situations (in this case, this was a mom whose young teen was self-harming). She pointed out that mindfulness helped her with acceptance.
-JKZ’s response – as parents there is “no way we can solve some of the labyrinths our children get lost in.”
-epidemic of self-harm in our society (cutting, starving) – think this is diagnostic, this is now a very hard world to grow up into.
-every age has its own dukkha, unique suffering
-put oxygen mask on yourself first
-we’re not writing the whole script, can’t fully control everything, but we can control how we are in relationship, stretching into the full dimensionality of our OWN being

*Remember to use all of this “with a light touch.” Don’t take it all too seriously – “this is too serious to take too seriously.”

-There’s no rescuing anybody in this world.
-The beauty of being human – we know each other and we don’t. We know ourselves and we don’t.
-We need to be able to hold the mystery of something that’s much larger than our conceptualization.
-maximize compassion, minimize suffering – perfection? No, what does that even mean?

-Mindfulness is not the answer to all life’s problems

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