I attended the most magnificent 24-hour retreat last weekend with seven lovely women ranging in age from their 20s to their 60s. We laughed, cried, sang, rested, meditated, prayed, made art, and ate magnificent food. We also talked, a lot. Birth, children, and parenting came up often, and I wanted to make note of the three wonderful ideas below for use with my own maybe-someday children.
The Reasons:
When Carol's kids misbehaved, they had to write The Reasons, three reasons why they shouldn't have done what they did, and what they thought their punishment ought to be. Everything else stopped until they wrote The Reasons - no leaving the house for soccer practice, no homework, no going to a friend's house. Then Carol would discuss the results with the miscreant child in question. Usually, the child's punishment was worse than necessary, and she said the look of relief on their face when she suggested something less severe was worth the price of admission. Ha!
Birthday Blessings:
In Annie's elementary school classroom, the children offer one another birthday blessings in a meditative space. Annie has them all sit quietly and raise their hands if/when they feel compelled to do so. They then share their kind words and observations about that child's good qualities. It's all voluntary; she estimates that around 10 children participate each time. Annie also offers her blessing, with her hands on the child's shoulders and looking him or her in the eyes. What a beautiful and powerful gift.
Pity Parties:
To hear Emily tell it, her mama raised her (singlehandedly) with lots of love, humor, and creativity. On days when Emily was having a tough time and feeling sorry for herself, her mom would ask conspiratorially, "Is it bad enough for a pity party? Remember you only get one a year." When the bad-enough day finally came, Emily and her mom would take the day off from school and work together, no questions asked. They would do whatever the pity-party celebrant wanted to do, and then make a list of all the year's grievances whenever she felt ready.
The Reasons:
When Carol's kids misbehaved, they had to write The Reasons, three reasons why they shouldn't have done what they did, and what they thought their punishment ought to be. Everything else stopped until they wrote The Reasons - no leaving the house for soccer practice, no homework, no going to a friend's house. Then Carol would discuss the results with the miscreant child in question. Usually, the child's punishment was worse than necessary, and she said the look of relief on their face when she suggested something less severe was worth the price of admission. Ha!
Birthday Blessings:
In Annie's elementary school classroom, the children offer one another birthday blessings in a meditative space. Annie has them all sit quietly and raise their hands if/when they feel compelled to do so. They then share their kind words and observations about that child's good qualities. It's all voluntary; she estimates that around 10 children participate each time. Annie also offers her blessing, with her hands on the child's shoulders and looking him or her in the eyes. What a beautiful and powerful gift.
Pity Parties:
To hear Emily tell it, her mama raised her (singlehandedly) with lots of love, humor, and creativity. On days when Emily was having a tough time and feeling sorry for herself, her mom would ask conspiratorially, "Is it bad enough for a pity party? Remember you only get one a year." When the bad-enough day finally came, Emily and her mom would take the day off from school and work together, no questions asked. They would do whatever the pity-party celebrant wanted to do, and then make a list of all the year's grievances whenever she felt ready.
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